We've all heard it. Those 'cool' hip-hop 'artists' creating their 'urban poetry' with their 'music'. They pick any random topic (as long as it includes : my beehatches; ho's; all my albums; all my cash...you get the drift) then name a track after it, that itself contains a random bunch words that happen to rhyme sometimes and call it a 'track'. These people need to be stopped.
In order to put a stop to these 'artist's music', I put together the following lyrics for a track that i want to record that will show these hip-hip 'artists' just how cool I really am, and how much they suck. It's about James Bond....
Secret Agent
A target circle there
someones internal organs laid bare!
The suspense of the music that plays,
and his aversion to gays...
The black suits he wears,
he is nonchalant no one would know if he cares.
He's got all sorts of gadgets that do
lethal things like shoot radioactive poo
and put anthrax in your Kentucky Fried Chicken
to make sure you're not kickin'
and hypnotize your sock
to make it cut off your cock
at twelve 'o clock
and watches that can install Windows XP,
on an enemies' central repository
and a pen that transforms your girlfriend's boob
into something resembling "LOL n00b!"
and he has shoes that can make you forget
where you stay,
so they put up the 'To let'
and his pants make marmalade
which imprison you in an orange palisade...
All these things the super-secret-super-agent
man can do.
But know this: If you're dead and don't know it
and you see he's absconded...
ROFL BITCH, YOU'VE BEEN JAMES BONDED!
Friday, June 15, 2007
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Things Llamas can do
This document attempts to outline some of the various extraordinary feats that Llamas have been observed doing.
In 1890 a british Llama enthusiast witnessed his Llama cross the street. This isn't that extraordinary on its own, but what IS extraordinary is the fact that before the Llama crossed the street, it looked left AND right at the same time.
On a remote Llama sanctuary in the Peruvian highlands, Pedrino reported that his Llama was smelling through time. The first time he had noticed this is when his Llama, Captainoftheloinclothbrigade, gave a sniff of peril and right afterward, 3 quarters of Ireland fell into poverty.
This set into action a chain of events that led to:
1) Famine in sub-Saharan Africa
2) An increase in international polony production
3) The 80's
4) Indigestion
5) The second season of Heroes
Critics are still debating the validity of events 6 and 7, partly because they sound rather outrageous, but mostly because they don't exist yet.
In 1943 near Bariloche, in Argentina, at the International School for Headache Tablet Engraving (ISHTE), students witnessed a herd of Llamas completely destroy a squadron of World War I German biplanes. This resulted in Argentina employing Llamas as their primary weapon against the invading Roman army.
In 1991 someone saw a Llama completely ingest, AND digest itself. The whole process took no less that 42 hours. Three different international conglomerates where involved in the process. No animals where harmed in the process.
These are some of the more notable excerpts from the book that most of the above mentioned information comes from.
In 1890 a british Llama enthusiast witnessed his Llama cross the street. This isn't that extraordinary on its own, but what IS extraordinary is the fact that before the Llama crossed the street, it looked left AND right at the same time.
On a remote Llama sanctuary in the Peruvian highlands, Pedrino reported that his Llama was smelling through time. The first time he had noticed this is when his Llama, Captainoftheloinclothbrigade, gave a sniff of peril and right afterward, 3 quarters of Ireland fell into poverty.
This set into action a chain of events that led to:
1) Famine in sub-Saharan Africa
2) An increase in international polony production
3) The 80's
4) Indigestion
5) The second season of Heroes
Critics are still debating the validity of events 6 and 7, partly because they sound rather outrageous, but mostly because they don't exist yet.
In 1943 near Bariloche, in Argentina, at the International School for Headache Tablet Engraving (ISHTE), students witnessed a herd of Llamas completely destroy a squadron of World War I German biplanes. This resulted in Argentina employing Llamas as their primary weapon against the invading Roman army.
In 1991 someone saw a Llama completely ingest, AND digest itself. The whole process took no less that 42 hours. Three different international conglomerates where involved in the process. No animals where harmed in the process.
These are some of the more notable excerpts from the book that most of the above mentioned information comes from.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
I am a bison, only greener.
Dining...
Or so they thought when they sat down for a nice meal at the local Deli. Maybe they should have known when they saw the deli's name, but they cant be blamed for thinking "666 People Killed So Far", the name of the deli, was just a pun.
"I sat down to eat, and something awful happened" said Martha Nosurname, diner, about the fateful day she and her husband went to have dinner. "I picked up one of the bean rolls and wanted to take a bite when I saw my husband, Teddy, look at me with an expression of pure fear", she said. "He stared at me, and muttered 'Those ROLLS'. Needless to say I was panic stricken. I got up on the table and started shouting. Teddy would later tell me I was making a noise similar to bagpipes and a lemur".
The 42-something Martha, is a short stocky woman with a slight beard and a major spleen. According to her, Teddy is still recovering from what happened at the deli, but declined to comment further on the state of her husband. "He's such a strong person, and an excellent 'Snakes and Ladders' player", she would announce regularly and proudly during the course of this interview.
Was this a fluke occurrence, or is this event indicative of the current poor state of our hospitality industry. Similar reports have been coming in almost on a basis than can be considered monthly. It is up to us, the dining public to take back the rights we have. To stand up and say "Beverly is that you!?", so that we can publicly announce what we think of restaurants like the evil deli mentioned above. Are we as a movie going, masticating public going to stand for this? Are we simply going to stand by while people die at similar restaurants? Generic rhetorical question, essentially meaning nothing?
Or so they thought when they sat down for a nice meal at the local Deli. Maybe they should have known when they saw the deli's name, but they cant be blamed for thinking "666 People Killed So Far", the name of the deli, was just a pun.
"I sat down to eat, and something awful happened" said Martha Nosurname, diner, about the fateful day she and her husband went to have dinner. "I picked up one of the bean rolls and wanted to take a bite when I saw my husband, Teddy, look at me with an expression of pure fear", she said. "He stared at me, and muttered 'Those ROLLS'. Needless to say I was panic stricken. I got up on the table and started shouting. Teddy would later tell me I was making a noise similar to bagpipes and a lemur".
The 42-something Martha, is a short stocky woman with a slight beard and a major spleen. According to her, Teddy is still recovering from what happened at the deli, but declined to comment further on the state of her husband. "He's such a strong person, and an excellent 'Snakes and Ladders' player", she would announce regularly and proudly during the course of this interview.
Was this a fluke occurrence, or is this event indicative of the current poor state of our hospitality industry. Similar reports have been coming in almost on a basis than can be considered monthly. It is up to us, the dining public to take back the rights we have. To stand up and say "Beverly is that you!?", so that we can publicly announce what we think of restaurants like the evil deli mentioned above. Are we as a movie going, masticating public going to stand for this? Are we simply going to stand by while people die at similar restaurants? Generic rhetorical question, essentially meaning nothing?
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