Creationism - In retrospect

I haven't spoken to anyone on earth.

RE: Welding

The moses has been spelunking for quite a while. Should you whish to contact his person - please hesitate. I cannot over-stressify the sancity of my satanic maraige. Please consult the Bloosemicondididilolinosiwhos!

There are far too many humans - let's salivate.

Good Johnson and cow cream underfoot. Heritage.


From the bottom of my locust, whollup!

Regards Phrosty the Pancake Thing

The Greater Falarkian Krun

The Greater Falarkian Krun
ate the slome he spun.
Sitting in his Falarkian manger brew
he let his emotions stew
He rheemed up his sabby-spuck
and totaled all the worst luck
of all the little children,
that was in the proon monsters web
...stuck.

He lit the cauldron of doogy Spens
and gazed from his J'kr lens
To see the what his future would hold...

Far off in the sands of time
He saw his demise and societies' decline
And wrote down its finality in his
proto Degreskian Molo of Ferhine.

Pleased as punch
he ate his lunch
and strolled of to find where,
or when,
he left his packet of smolli-gronoldiborry crunch.

The Gathering Storm

Many reports have been coming in, describing the most hideous event to befall mankind since the Second World War.

Hailed as one "Satan's Avatar" (Los Angelis Times), "Death Incarnate" (Larry King Live) and "Hitler 2.0" (Channel 4 News) the mention of it brings fear and despair to many accross the globe.

"Nevertheless, as we see more ahead, still it they need some details if it wants to get to be an authentic alternative to other distributions with more wall-plate" said one eye witness, who had a close brush with death with this very thing. This only brings us to the question of what the government really intends to do about
this world wide concern.

In a recent undercover investigation an informant, now deceased, had the folowing to say : "He is stable, fast, minimalista (for good and the bad thing) and has a dedicated and enthusiastic community that offers aid before any problem (forums only in English, that I know)". A shocking statement indeed for the world's leaders.

Ten days later the informant, now deceased, had more information to divulge. (S)He had the following to say to the IIL (Internal Investigations Limited) : "For this reason, and for being a solid base and of excellent operation, the distributions are enough that leave from her to thus add some to him of the facilities that it needs and to make it accessible to a ampler public". The latter statement has caused widespread panic in areas to the North-South of England and some parts of the e-quator.

The breakthrough for the IIL finally came when a letter containing the following text was found : "Then a writing-desk based on perfectly preformed XFCE, some tools to make the installation and maintenance easier and forums where the aid can be necessary easily". The IIL rushed to the scene and apprehended the mastermind criminal "Hitler 2.0" or more widely known as "The Bad Thing" (abbreviated for clarity). The footage can be found here.

The knowledge of the apprehension of "The Bad Thing" caused widespread panic and chaos. In several residential areas cow-stains where reported, and several people suffered second degree cesium-farts. In a small Hungarian town (Shpanglenomfies) 23 people changed the channel, and had dinner.

The international effect this has had may not just be "something we hear on the news, but went to the bathroom", it is something that affects all of us, even here in U.S.A. In southern carolina 3 unwed women, declared a boycot on Twinkies, "This is part of its interest to explore new territories, since before also it used by Reiser4 defect, also has proven with kernels with quite experimental patches and sometimes alpha has used software in state", is all they chanted as they spread their propagande of an Orange Nature(tm).

If you have any views or would like to have your voice heard, you can contact The League for Fighting Leagues that Fight at : www.CNN.com.

Peter Flananaaaadam
DaylyWeeklyNewsMonthly.com

The Cheshire Cat from Worcestershire

Dear Captain

The submarine is no longer in my cache...please reload...et al Albany and Co.

The following can all be considered my comrade:

 

Can you pronounce C-O-U-G-A-R? I can, and i find it very fortuitous. It helps me get up in the morning.!!! (Just so you know i added the exclamation marks in the previous sentence for some accent...did it help? If you would like me to, in the future use these exclamation marks correctly please fill out the following form and forward it to _ALL_ your contacts)

Do you like exclamation marks:

    [ ] Yes or
    [ ] No
    [ ] All of the above
    [ ] None of the below
    [ ] Only on sundays
    [ ] Depends if it wears a thong

Please fill out the above questionaire and forward it to all your contacts. I know this might seem tedious as it is a very long questionaire and it seems kind of old (you'll notice the expiration date is for last year)

Convulge and profuce.

The other topic of today's discussion is :
"Can you Llaminate a Llama"

Some answers we have received so far:

   "Yes or" --Jeff
   "No" --Joe
   "All of the above" --Mary
   "None of the below" --Shredder
   "Only on sundays" --Sally
   "Depends if it wears a thong" --Albert Einstein

Thanks and kind regards to you and your ant! May you live in prosperous spaghetti.

The life is the best life, eat chutney.

Ronshardt Klousule ROCKS!

One time.

Lord Elrond

Poem Version 00000000000000000.1

We've all heard it. Those 'cool' hip-hop 'artists' creating their 'urban poetry' with their 'music'. They pick any random topic (as long as it includes : my beehatches; ho's; all my albums; all my cash...you get the drift) then name a track after it, that itself contains a random bunch words that happen to rhyme sometimes and call it a 'track'. These people need to be stopped.

In order to put a stop to these 'artist's music', I put together the following lyrics for a track that i want to record that will show these hip-hip 'artists' just how cool I really am, and how much they suck. It's about James Bond....

Secret Agent

A target circle there
someones internal organs laid bare!
The suspense of the music that plays,
and his aversion to gays...

The black suits he wears,
he is nonchalant no one would know if he cares.

He's got all sorts of gadgets that do
lethal things like shoot radioactive poo
and put anthrax in your Kentucky Fried Chicken
to make sure you're not kickin'
and hypnotize your sock
to make it cut off your cock
at twelve 'o clock
and watches that can install Windows XP,
on an enemies' central repository
and a pen that transforms your girlfriend's boob
into something resembling "LOL n00b!"
and he has shoes that can make you forget
where you stay,
so they put up the 'To let'
and his pants make marmalade
which imprison you in an orange palisade...

All these things the super-secret-super-agent
man can do.
But know this: If you're dead and don't know it
and you see he's absconded...
ROFL BITCH, YOU'VE BEEN JAMES BONDED!

Things Llamas can do

This document attempts to outline some of the various extraordinary feats that Llamas have been observed doing.

In 1890 a british Llama enthusiast witnessed his Llama cross the street. This isn't that extraordinary on its own, but what IS extraordinary is the fact that before the Llama crossed the street, it looked left AND right at the same time.

On a remote Llama sanctuary in the Peruvian highlands, Pedrino reported that his Llama was smelling through time. The first time he had noticed this is when his Llama, Captainoftheloinclothbrigade, gave a sniff of peril and right afterward, 3 quarters of Ireland fell into poverty.

This set into action a chain of events that led to:
     1) Famine in sub-Saharan Africa
     2) An increase in international polony production
     3) The 80's
     4) Indigestion
     5) The second season of Heroes

Critics are still debating the validity of events 6 and 7, partly because they sound rather outrageous, but mostly because they don't exist yet.

In 1943 near Bariloche, in Argentina, at the International School for Headache Tablet Engraving (ISHTE), students witnessed a herd of Llamas completely destroy a squadron of World War I German biplanes. This resulted in Argentina employing Llamas as their primary weapon against the invading Roman army.

In 1991 someone saw a Llama completely ingest, AND digest itself. The whole process took no less that 42 hours. Three different international conglomerates where involved in the process. No animals where harmed in the process.

These are some of the more notable excerpts from the book that most of the above mentioned information comes from.

I am a bison, only greener.

Dining...

Or so they thought when they sat down for a nice meal at the local Deli. Maybe they should have known when they saw the deli's name, but they cant be blamed for thinking "666 People Killed So Far", the name of the deli, was just a pun.

"I sat down to eat, and something awful happened" said Martha Nosurname, diner, about the fateful day she and her husband went to have dinner. "I picked up one of the bean rolls and wanted to take a bite when I saw my husband, Teddy, look at me with an expression of pure fear", she said. "He stared at me, and muttered 'Those ROLLS'. Needless to say I was panic stricken. I got up on the table and started shouting. Teddy would later tell me I was making a noise similar to bagpipes and a lemur".

The 42-something Martha, is a short stocky woman with a slight beard and a major spleen. According to her, Teddy is still recovering from what happened at the deli, but declined to comment further on the state of her husband. "He's such a strong person, and an excellent 'Snakes and Ladders' player", she would announce regularly and proudly during the course of this interview.

Was this a fluke occurrence, or is this event indicative of the current poor state of our hospitality industry. Similar reports have been coming in almost on a basis than can be considered monthly. It is up to us, the dining public to take back the rights we have. To stand up and say "Beverly is that you!?", so that we can publicly announce what we think of restaurants like the evil deli mentioned above. Are we as a movie going, masticating public going to stand for this? Are we simply going to stand by while people die at similar restaurants? Generic rhetorical question, essentially meaning nothing?